I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize