Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Holy sore nipples Batman
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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