Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
