I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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