Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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