called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
