Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
