She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
