There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
