yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
