beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
