I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize