I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
