You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Even my vagina gasped.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize
