Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
