Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
