I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
