Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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