Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
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