Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She even gives head with a lisp.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
