Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
you had me at cake vodka
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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