i think i have herpe
just one?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
