OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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