mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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