My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
