scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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