i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
