she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
