Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize