He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
