Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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