Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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