Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
