This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
