I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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