I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Can't talk, ducks in the car
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
