we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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