its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
