his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
my liver is dry heaving
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
