you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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