Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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