This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Let's get the cat blown out
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
