You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i drank out of a bidet.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
