What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
