whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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