how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
