You work out of a Hotel?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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