Got a toothbrush?
This girl is more easily done than said...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize