Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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