If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
