ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My Sexting was not on an AP level
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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