Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
send nudes
from the living room?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
