Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
