I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize