man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
