He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
