we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
