I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
