omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
