Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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