Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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