im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Every concussion has its silver lining
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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