im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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