Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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