We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Randomize
