it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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