i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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