Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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